Mike Crouch is the principal of
When I meet new people, one thing I always enjoy hearing is their courtship story.
See, anyone who is married has a courtship story, and they’re always interesting.
When I was a kid my parents had a Bible study at our house. A lot of young people attended, and some of them ended up marrying each other. I watched their courtships unfold, I attended their weddings, and I always thought, “I wonder how it’s going to happen for me.”
The courtship story always involves how they met for the first time and what they thought of each other. The courtship really kicks off with the first date and ends with the wedding date. What happens between the two is the heart of your courtship story, a story you will be telling for the rest of your life.
Imagine the kind of story you want to tell your kids someday, then conduct your courtship accordingly.
This week I asked Mike Crouch his courtship story, and it’s a good one. My favorite part is when he said that after they started going out, he didn’t kiss her for three months. Then when he finally did it was a beautiful romantic moment on the beach.
The thing I like about that is there was no rush to touch. So many people get caught up in the rush to touch, but when you do, it clouds your judgment. You can’t think straight and conduct a proper courtship if you rush to touch.
If it’s a proper courtship, you need not rush. You’ll be spending the rest of your life together. And why would you settle for anything less than a proper courtship?
Some people say you shouldn’t hold hands or kiss until you’re married. That’s not a bad idea. It keeps you focused on what’s important as you decide if this is someone you want to marry.
Now I can hear someone saying, “Yeh, but I don’t want to marry a bad kisser.” So what are you saying, that you want them to practice on a lot of other people before they get to you? How dumb is that?
I’ve met a lot of happily married people over the years, and no one ever says, “I really regret the fact that we didn’t kiss more when we were dating.”
Why not? Because when you make a wise judgment before you marry, you have a lifetime of enjoyment thereafter.
The important thing is to keep your head clear during courtship, and that’s hard to do when you’re in a rush to touch.
I can hear some young ladies saying, “But if I don’t at least kiss then he’ll break up with me.”
Don’t be so sure. If breaks up with you just because you want to wait, then good riddance. But don’t misjudge a certain power that a young woman of moral integrity has.
Here is a phrase that I love, that I picked up from Elisabeth Elliot: “a woman’s enhancing inaccessibility.”
Think about that, “enhancing inaccessibility.”
You see, there is an attraction to something you can’t have. If you decide not to touch during courtship, it will likely make you even more attractive.
It’s important that you set boundaries ahead of time, and here is one good guideline. What kind of courtship story do you want to tell your children? Set that as the standard, then live it out in your own courtship.
If there’s something you don’t want to tell your children someday, then don’t do it. You want your courtship story to be rated G, good clean fun for the whole family.
Some people say, “Well, don’t you want to try things out before you get married? If you don’t, how will you know if you are compatible?”
Well the most important compatibility is spiritual, are you on the same page spiritually. Then there are other things like, are you headed in the same direction in life? Do you share ideas about children and family and such basics as money management? These make up the foundation of marriage.
And you must avoid the rush to touch in order to think clearly about these more important things.
I’m offering this as a simple guideline, an easy way to decide what you will and won’t do. Just think of it like this. What kind of a story do you want to tell when it’s time to tell your children Your Courtship Story.
(As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)
On this topic I recommend the book, “Passion and Purity” by Elisabeth Elliot.
I found that ““enhancing inaccessibility” quote within this excellent transcript: http://www.backtothebible.org/gateway-to-joy/the-high-price-of-individualism-3.html