Do you ever have complete conversations in your head?
It’s where you think about what you would say, then what the other person would say, then how you would respond. It’s the whole conversation, and it’s all in your head.
Probably some of your wittiest conversations take place right there in your head.
A salesman worked for me one time, and he would give me a play-by-play of imaginary sales calls. He would say he had a good potential client and I would say, “Have you talked to them?”
“No, but I’ll just give them a call and I’ll tell them what we’re doing and they’ll say ‘That sounds good,’ and I’ll say, ‘Would you like the $500 package or the $300 package,’ and they’ll say, ‘Give me the $500 package.’”
Some of his best sales calls took place right there in his head.
I know I do this, and I wonder if everyone does it.
I can be driving down the highway, completely immersed in conversation – in my own mind.
This is a good habit, as long as you have one key ingredient: empathy.
Can you put yourself in the other person’s shoes? Can you truly see things from their perspective? When you carry on their part of the conversation, is it really what they would say, or is it just your characterization of them?
The next time you carry on a conversation with someone in your head, ask yourself, “How well do I really know this person?” And don’t be too quick to answer.
For example, we don’t know what other people went through growing up.
I remember one time I was talking with a coworker who I thought I knew fairly well. After all, I worked with her every day. But then one time I said something about divorce, and she went off on me. Turned out her parents were divorced, and it was a very sensitive subject for her.
Then there was the man I worked with and the day I used the word “crazy.” Later he wrote me a letter about how I shouldn’t throw around the word crazy because someone close to him had very real mental issues and he was offended by such words.
I have learned over the years, obviously sometimes the hard way, to be more empathetic in my conversation. And when I run through these conversations in my head, I try to think about what is really going on in the other person’s life, instead of just putting words in their mouth.
I think it’s good to carry out these conversations in your own mind. Call it practice before the big game.
In real life, if you let something slip out, you can never get it back. But in your mind you can slip up and learn from it, without hurting anyone along the way. You can analyze what you would say and your motives for saying it.
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
When you carry out a conversation in your mind, ask yourself, “Will these words benefit those who listen? Will it build them up according to their needs?” If not, then reroute your conversation. Ask yourself, “What can I say that will build people up?”
Mental conversations prepare us for real conversations. If we practice saying good things, we are more likely to actually say good things.
Romans 16:19 says, “…be wise about what is good…”
I think we need to hone the skill of being good. We do that by practice. The time to make mistakes is in practice, so that when it’s time for the real thing, we do it right.
One of the most important ways to be good to people is in our conversations. We are to be wise about what is good in conversation.
And the way to do that is by practicing conversations in our head. We are doing it anyway. We just need to take control.
So the next time you catch yourself carrying on a conversation with someone in your head, turn it into a practice session for saying good things to build people up, and benefit all who listen.
(As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)
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