People are waiting longer to get married these days. Why? There are many reasons, but one reason I read about was that some people are waiting to get married because they want to make sure they get the very best person they can get.
Now on the surface that sounds fine. “Marry the best person you can get.” Compare that to “I married the first loser that came along.”
The problem with this thinking is, what happens after you are married?
Recently I read a marriage book with a Q&A section at the end. One young man asked, “What if I get married, and then someone better comes along?”
The answer was simple yet profound: “When you get married, stop looking.”
Marriage is not like buying a car – you get a sharp one this year, but then trade it in for a new model in a few years. Once you are married, it’s quite simple. The shopping ends. If you are not ready to stop shopping, don’t get married.
Marriage is a big commitment. You are making vows. Vows! Those are promises you swear to die before you break. You NEVER break your vows.
“But shouldn’t I make myself happy?”
That’s a stupid, selfish thing to say, “…make myself happy…” If making yourself happy means breaking your vows, absolutely not. Happiness is not the god that we Americans make it out to be.
God is God, and happiness is not. And besides, happiness doesn’t come from chasing happiness. Happiness is a byproduct of following God, of living honorable lives, of keeping your vows, of being loyal to your spouse.
Would you like a beautiful flower garden, year after year? Then you need to tend to it, year after year. You want a beautiful marriage over the years? Then tend to it, and don’t be daydreaming about someone else’s flowers.
I had lunch with a couple of men yesterday, and the topic of marriage came up. One of them has been married for many years, and is now in that “empty nest” stage, where all the kids have moved out. He said they were basically reinventing their marriage to adjust to a life where children were no longer the focus.
Some people at this stage start shopping for a new romance. That is wrong and not in anyone’s best interest. Remember, happiness is not found by chasing happiness. Happiness is a byproduct of following God, and in this case, being true to your spouse.
Is it time to reinvent your marriage? Then do it!
I got an e-mail yesterday from a man who told me that he and his wife have been married for several years, but that in the last few months things had become strained. They decided to go on a marriage retreat, and, quote, “I’m not exaggerating when I say we received some of the most important, if unexpected, breakthroughs we’ve ever experienced in our marriage.” He concludes, “Isn’t it amazing that when you finally choose to listen to God’s leading, He blesses your socks off? Go figure.”
See? He said God blessed their socks off! And He’ll do the same for you and your marriage. Just take time to focus on Him and on each other, and amazing things will happen!
(As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)
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