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Apples of Gold
Radio Script for December 9, 2009
“My Advice to Parents After Two Weddings in One Year”
Hello, I’m Doug Apple…with Apples of Gold.
Okay, so my two oldest kids got married this year.
Our son’s wedding was in June, which was a warm-up for hosting our daughter’s wedding in November.
And the question is, now that I have two children successfully established on their own, what advice might I pass on to other parents?
Well here is one super important thing. Parents, be involved in your child’s life.
I know that’s pretty obvious when your kids are two or five or nine. But as they become teenagers, and as they begin to forge a life apart from you, it’s tempting to step back and wash your hands of them a little bit.
Don’t do it. Don’t ever stop talking to them and listening to them and spending time with them. Yes, they will be moody and sometimes downright weird, but listen to this illustration I heard from Dr. Dobson.
He compares parenting to whitewater rafting. For a while the water is smooth and everyone is having a nice time in the boat. But then come the teenage years, which he compares to hitting the rapids. When you hit the rapids, he says, the main thing is to just keep everybody in the boat. Yes, you may get soaked, and you may lose some of your stuff, but focus on keeping them in the boat.
What that means is, stay in relationship with your teenager. It may not always be pretty, but keep communicating.
And most of all, keep on loving them. Be consistent. Always want what is best for them.
A former pastor of mine said, “My children may choose to go off into the world, but they will have to climb over a lot of love to get there.”
This is what we did with our son and daughter. We never stopped spending time with them and having conversations. There were times when I would say, “Let’s go for a walk.” Sometimes it’s good to just go for a drive, where you don’t have to face each other. It makes it easier to talk.
So parents, stay involved in your teenager’s life. Maintain the relationship. Keep them in the boat.
Now, when they start dating, I think you should get to know the person they are dating. I know we don’t have arranged marriages these days, but let me tell you, you do have some control over who they meet.
Both of our children married people from church. Growing up, our kids didn’t know anything different but going to church. We were always involved, always faithful, so that’s all our kids knew. It’s no surprise, therefore, that they ended up meeting and marrying someone from church.
And these were kids who had been at our house. We always tried to make our house kid-friendly. It was a place where teenagers could feel comfortable. One thing – feed them! Young people love to go where there is free food.
Now it’s hard for a parent to step in and force a young adult to date this one and not that one. But when you love them, and they know you love them, then you can offer your advice, you should offer your advice.
Then when their dating becomes serious, have conversations with whomever they are dating. Get to know them. Then you can offer wise advice to your child. They may or may not take it, you can’t force them. But you can sure offer it.
And if they don’t take your advice, don’t write them off. Remember – keep them in the boat. Maintain the relationship.
And begin to build a relationship with the other person. They may become part of your family someday, so start building a relationship. Begin to love them, and want what’s best for them.
You are probably noticing that the word relationship is popping up a lot. That’s because that’s what it comes down to, your relationship with your child as well as the person they end up marrying.
And, as it gets serious, I think it’s good to get to know the other person’s family. Their family has a profound effect on them, and it all affects the life they will forge with your child. So get to know their family.
And now here’s something that I’m told is old fashioned, but I like it. I think the young man should ask for the daughter’s hand in marriage. This is a sit down with the future bride’s father, man to man. Now you may want to get mom involved, and that’s fine, but I like the mano-a-mano.
My son had this meeting with his future father-in-law, and my daughter’s boyfriend met with me. We spent a lot of time discussing his life and his vision and his own relationship with God. And I told him what I expected of him as my daughter’s husband.
See, the main point is, get involved in the process. Be involved in your child’s life, not just when they are little, but always. Now this isn’t meddling and being pushy or trampling on their autonomy. But it is involvement, grounded in love, and wanting what is best for your child.
And, of course, all this is bathed in prayer, much much prayer, asking God for wisdom, and for His blessings on your children. We keep the kids in the boat, and we keep God at the helm of the boat.
So there you go. My advice to parents, based on looking back after two weddings in one year.
I’m glad to say that my children seem well on their way to establishing strong families of their own, and to me, a main key was the fact that their mom and I stayed involved in their lives.
Comments?
E-mail me: dougapple@wave94.com.
May God bless you today! With Apples of Gold…I’m Doug Apple.
© 2009 The Arrow’s Tip
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(Proverbs 25:11 – “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”)
Why “The Arrow’s Tip”? Each morning, after diligently seeking the Lord, I write Apples of Gold. Then before I release it to the public I pray one final prayer, “Lord, send forth your arrows.” I envision Apples of Gold as arrows, tips dipped in the river of the water of life that flows from the throne of God (Rev. 22:1), sailing toward the hearts and minds of men and women around the world.
Doug Apple
General Manager - Wave 94
Christian Radio for Tallahassee
PO Box 4105
Tallahassee, FL 32315
(850) 926-8000
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