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Apples of Gold
Radio Script for June 29, 2010
“So Your Son Has Been Looking at Internet Porn”
Hello, I’m Doug Apple…with Apples of Gold.
So you think your son has been looking at pornography on the internet.
Now what?
Whatever you do, don’t bury your head in the sand and hope it goes away. It won’t.
This is a time when parents must take action. It’s a challenge we cannot run away from.
“But Doug, I don’t know what to do. This caught me by surprise.”
First of all, I recommend a reasoned and loving approach. Don’t fly in and give him a smack down while calling him the scum of the earth.
On the other hand, don’t just say “boys will be boys” and walk away. Yes, boys will be boys, but we want them to become men – men of God and men of integrity – and pornography is not part of that plan.
It helps to have that ultimate goal in sight so you can always be steering toward it. The ultimate goal is that our children have their own close walk with God, that the Holy Spirit is alive and at work inside them, and that they are living by God’s standards and principles. That means they are making wise decisions within themselves, without our intervention.
So when you talk to your son about pornography, the goal is that he will grow up and be a man who can make good decisions on his own, whether you are looking over his shoulder or not.
So if you think your son has been looking at pornography on the internet, the obvious first step is that you must talk to him. This needs to be a private conversation with no humiliation.
But what do you say? Well let’s go back to the ultimate goals. What is your ultimate goal regarding your child and sex? I think the goal should be that they grow up and have a full life in that area – within God’s boundaries. Sex itself is not a taboo, but a gift from God.
Your son has the raw material of curiosity and desires and hormones, and that raw material needs to be refined until it sparkles and blossoms into the final product of a deep, fulfilling marriage.
Are things starting to clear up for you? Can you see your way through the woods, now that we know where we want to go?
So have that talk with your son, with the big picture in your mind.
But how to get from here to that big picture?
One step at a time, and the most immediate goal is to shed light on the situation, to bring it out of dark isolation and into the light.
Ephesians 5:13 says “all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light.”
You hold your son accountable. He has done something you don’t want him to do, something you think is bad for him and will lead him down the wrong path.
So you have this conversation, which can go a lot of different directions depending on the child and the situation. Just keep in mind the goals for his life, and the ideas of accountability and keeping light on the matter.
Now about keeping things in the light, one wise thing to do is to limit computer use to public areas of the house, and to times when others are around. That really keeps things in the light.
Sure your son wants to get online at midnight in his bedroom, to do “homework.” Too bad. No computer in the bedroom and no computer when everyone else is asleep. It’s your house and you make the rules.
Now listen. Due to technology, these rules are always changing. Don’t think your son is on lockdown if you yank the computer cord when you go to bed, and he’s still up with his iPhone. If your son has internet access on his phone, that is an open gateway to filth all over the world.
Open your eyes, Mom and Dad. Even video games these days have internet access. I heard of one mother who walked in and saw porn playing from her child’s Wii. And according to recent statistics, the average age of a child’s first exposure to porn is now about 11 years old.
Vigilance. That’s what this requires of parents. We must stay on top of things, because the kids sure will.
And listen. You have permission to make unpopular decisions. If your son has to cough up his cell phone to limit his access to porn, so be it. If you have to get the internet out of your house entirely, then do it; just beware of wireless access from the neighbor’s house.
Some people think there’s nothing wrong with porn. Well I think they’re crazy. The internet has every imaginable abomination man can think of, and a child of any age can access it in about 2 seconds with an open internet connection.
So eliminate the open internet connection. Use filters and passwords. Establish rules and enforce them. Do your homework and stay informed, or find someone who is.
And if you suspect your son – or your daughter of course, either one – has been looking at pornography on the internet, take action.
Talk to him and tell him the ultimate goals. Then do what it takes to help him reach those goals by loving him and teaching him, by keeping the situation in the light and holding him accountable.
And yes, by shutting down the access to pornography on the internet.
Comments?
E-mail me: dougapple@wave94.com.
May God bless you today! With Apples of Gold…I’m Doug Apple.
There are a ton of websites to help you understand computers and how to make internet usage a little safer. Here is one of them – not a Christian site per se, but very helpful: http://www.komando.com/tips/index.aspx?id=8954
© 2010 The Arrow’s Tip
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(Proverbs 25:11 – “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”)
Why “The Arrow’s Tip”? Each morning, after diligently seeking the Lord, I write Apples of Gold. Then before I release it to the public I pray one final prayer, “Lord, send forth your arrows.” I envision Apples of Gold as arrows, tips dipped in the river of the water of life that flows from the throne of God (Rev. 22:1), sailing toward the hearts and minds of men and women around the world.
Doug Apple
General Manager - Wave 94
Christian Radio for Tallahassee
PO Box 4105
Tallahassee, FL 32315
(850) 926-8000
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