Think Before You Speak

I love e-mail.

I like it because you can communicate with people at your own pace.

You can take time to think about what you want to say.  You can reply today or tomorrow or whenever.  No rush.

And you never have to wonder if someone is free when you e-mail them.  You just e-mail them whenever you want, then whenever they are free, they can read it.  Then they can respond at their leisure.

And it’s so fast and simple (if you know how to type).  Just clickety-click and Send.

You can even spell check and grammar check.  You know…look smarter than you really are.

And before you hit Send you can read it over.  I’ve seen some of your e-mails.  You should read it over.

See, when we write, we ask ourselves, “What do I want to say?”

But we shouldn’t stop there.  Before we send it we should read it over and ask, “How will they take this?”

That’s an important question.  “How will they take this?”

It’s important, but it’s easy.  Just read through your e-mail and try to put yourself in their shoes.  How will they take it?

The great thing about e-mail is that you have a second chance.  You can rewrite it until you are satisfied they will take it the way you mean it.

It’s not so easy with live conversation.

See, when you write something, you can always delete it.  But when you say something, it’s just out there.  Our words are like confetti in the wind.  Once we speak them, we can never get them back. 

I have seen this happen many times in my life.  I can be jabbering away, then suddenly I sense the other person “darken.”  Even on the phone I’ve felt it.  They just cool off.  Gary Smalley would say “Their flower closes.”  It’s like I verbally meandered off into a mine field and blew myself up.

I’ve tried to learn my lessons over the years, but in the rapid back-and-forth of a conversation it’s hard to say everything in just the right way – and by that I mean in a way that the other person takes it the way you mean it.

It’s hard because it’s awkward if you stop and think before you speak.  We think we have to keep the conversation going, bam-bam, back-and-forth.  But it’s in that exact scenario that we end up saying something ignorant.

Come on, raise your hand if you’ve ever said something ignorant.

Proverbs 29:20 says it plainly.  And I like the King James Version – it sounds more “proverbial.”  Here it is:  “Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words?  There is more hope of a fool than of him.”

I have always been hasty with words.  It’s a gift!  You can talk yourself out of a lot of trouble when you are hasty with words.  But you also talk yourself into a lot of trouble!

So if a man with hasty words is more hopeless than a fool, what should we do?

Think before we speak. 

It’s simple, really.  But here’s what we do.  When we are talking to someone, we are ready to start talking even before they are done!  We are so itching to talk that we interrupt them. 

So the first step is to actually stop and hear them out.  Listen closely.  Try to discern exactly what they are trying to say.  Not their exact words, because none of us are perfect in our word choice, especially in casual conversation.  So listen, and ask yourself, “From what all I know about this person, what are they really trying to tell me?”

Then, after you have heard them out, and after you have taken a couple seconds to think about it, then you can speak.

So it’s a three step process.  Listen, think, and only then, speak.

Anything quicker and people will gawk and point and say, “Oh yeh, right there, I ‘seest thou a man hasty in his words!’”

(As featured on Wave 94.1 FM)

dougapple@wave94.com

www.wave94.com

George Foreman's Incredible Story

You might know George Foreman as the Foreman Grill guy.

Or you might know him as the former world heavyweight boxing champion.

But now there is a new book that shows a very different side of George Foreman.

It’s called, “God In My Corner:  A Spiritual Memoir.”

In it Foreman admits he was mean.  He beat people up long before he was a boxer.  Boxing simply made his violent streak lucrative.  He used it to lift himself out of poverty.  He was a self-made man who thought religion was for the poor and old ladies.  The last thing he was interested in was God.

Of course it’s easy to say that…until you have your own encounter with God.

In 1977, Foreman lost a close fight to Jimmy Young in Puerto Rico.  But what happened in the locker room afterward radically changed his life.

Foreman said he was pacing back and forth in the locker room, still pumped up from the fight, when all of a sudden a voice interrupted his thoughts.  It said, “If you believe in God, why are you afraid to die?”

Foreman said he continued to pace back and forth, but felt like death was staring him in the face.  He said, “By now I was crying.  I decided I wanted to make a deal with God.  What does a mere human being own that he can use to barter with God?  ‘I’m still George Foreman,’ I thought.  ‘I can still box.  I can give money to charities.  I can…’”

The voice thundered, “I don’t want your money. I want YOU!”

Foreman collapsed to the floor.

“Instantly I was transported into a deep, dark void, like a bottomless pit.  I knew I was dead, and this wasn’t heaven.  Sorrow beyond description engulfed my soul.  The place reeked with the putrid smell of death.  It was utter darkness.”

“I truly thought this was the end of my life,” Foreman said, “And I saw – too late – that I had missed what life was meant to be about.  I was furious that I had fallen for the devil’s lies.  I screamed, “I don’t care if this is death.  I still believe there’s a God.”

“Instantly, what seemed like a gigantic hand reached down and snatched me out of that terrifying place.  Immediately I was back inside my body in the dressing room.”

The men in the locker room had lifted Foreman’s body onto a table and were gathered around him. 

Next he saw something that amazed him - blood running down his forehead, and his own hands were bleeding.  Foreman said, “He’s bleeding where they crucified Him.”

He said the others didn’t see the blood, and just looked at him like he was crazy.  But he said that God was revealing to him that Jesus really did bleed and die for him.

Still lying on the training table, Foreman said, “I suddenly sat straight up and yelled at the top of my voice, “JESUS CHRIST IS COMING ALIVE IN ME!”

Everyone looked like they had seen a ghost.  Foreman said something stirred deep inside him, and he couldn’t control what he was saying.  He started reciting Bible verses, even though he had never learned them. 

He said, “For most of my life, I had been ruled by anger and hatred.  Now, every hostile emotion had been drained out of me, and a spigot of God’s love had been turned on inside me, filling me up, and overflowing out of me.”

“I jumped off the table and hugged everyone in the room, telling them that I loved them.  In all those years together, I had never told any of my closest associates that I loved them.  Now I couldn’t stop expressing how much I loved them.”

“Then I heard myself speaking words that I had never before used,” said Foreman.  “I shouted, ‘Hallelujah, I’m clean!  HALLUJAH, I’VE BEEN BORN AGAIN!  I’ve got to tell the whole world about this!’”

Foreman said, “I wouldn’t stop talking about Jesus, and no one could shut me up.  Now I was praising the name of Jesus, the name my acquaintances had only heard me use in profanity.  As for me, I had never felt that wonderful in all my life!  For the first time in my life, I could honestly say I was at peace.”

“All of my hate – and I had hated a lot of people – was gone.  God’s love flowed through me to others.  Every attitude and emotion in me had flip-flopped.  It was nothing short of a miracle.”

In the book, Foreman explained how he contacted those he had hated and made amends.  He also discussed his initial reluctance to be viewed as a religious nut, but then concluded this way.

“Finding Jesus Christ was the best thing that ever happened to me, and my life gets better every day.  I’m not going to let anything destroy me testimony and the great relationship with God that I have experienced.  I will keep telling my story until I’m unable to say it anymore.”

I had to leave parts of the story out for time’s sake, so I recommend you read it for yourself.  You’ll find it in the new book, “God In My Corner:  A Spiritual Memoir” by grill maker and former world heavyweight boxing champion George Foreman.

(As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)

dougapple@wave94.com

www.wave94.com

Ed & Petunia

You are the jailer.

You may or may not be the Barney Fife type, but there you are, the keeper of the keys.

You have only one prisoner, a big fellow named Ed.  He has a Hell’s Angels reputation, but there he sits, lethargic, causing you no trouble at all, a model prisoner.

In time you forget about Ed’s nasty reputation.  It’s just the two of you there at the old jail, so you talk about things.  You give your buddy Ed a glass of lemonade now and then, even though he’s only supposed to have water.  Sometimes you even slip into his cell and play cards.

As days turn into weeks, and weeks into months, you wonder why Ed is locked up at all.  He never gives you any trouble, and he seems perfectly harmless.

Then one day, in the middle of a card game, you smell something.  Ed smells it, too. 

It’s perfume. 

You go back to the game, but Ed is distracted.  You see a look in Ed’s eyes that you’ve never seen before.  You decide it’s time to slip out of the cell and check things out.

You step out front in time to see someone coming down the road, a woman. 

Petunia. 

Yes, you’ve heard about Petunia.  The Sheriff told you to watch for her, and at all costs keep her away from Ed. 

Well, there she is, so now what?  Should you run her off?  She seems harmless enough, unarmed, not even a cake with a file in it.

As Petunia approaches, you hear noises back inside the jail.  The native is restless.

What does she want?  She wants to visit Ed.  You tell her she can’t, but she’s a sweet-talker. 

From behind you Ed is calling out to Petunia.  Now she’s calling back to him, “I’ll be right there, Honey.  I just need to talk to this fine jailer.”

“Petunia, I can’t let you go in there.”

“Now what’s the harm in me seeing Ed?”

“Well…”

Ed shouts, “Come on, you can let her in, the sheriff will never know.”

“That’s right,” says Petunia, “And besides, the sheriff is kinda sweet on me.  That’s why he doesn’t want me to see Ed.”

With that new information, you decide one little visit won’t hurt.  But as soon as Ed and Petunia get in close proximity, Ed becomes the Hell’s Angel you had heard about.  And what’s this?  He took the keys from you while you were playing cards, and now he’s unlocking his cell. 

Ed and Petunia embrace and begin to leave.  You try to intervene, but Ed surprises you with an elbow to the nose so fierce that blood splatters and you collapse. 

The last thing you see is Ed and Petunia walking out arm in arm, and taking with them your job, your reputation, and everything you had worked so hard for over the years.

And now…the story explained.

Ed stands for “evil desire.”  Evil desire is found within every human being. 

Petunia is short for Opportunity. 

We are the jailer, responsible for keeping those two from getting together. 

What we must do is keep Ed away from Petunia – which means we must keep our evil desire away from opportunity. 

The evil desire within us tends to sit there quietly and not cause much trouble – until opportunity comes along.  But when the right opportunity shows up, look out.  It will drive the evil desire within us crazy, just like Ed when Petunia came along.

You probably know what your weaknesses are, which evil desires are likely to cause you trouble.  What you must do is stay far away from opportunities to carry out those desires. 

For example, if you do things on the computer that are sinful, you better think about getting that computer out of the house.  You can’t allow evil desire and opportunity to be together.  When you do, evil desire will always get the best of you.  Ed, in the presence of Petunia, becomes uncontrollable.

The story of Ed and Petunia is a fresh way to look at temptation.  James 1:14 says we are each tempted when we are dragged away by our own evil desires and enticed.

Remember in the story, when you were the jailer?  You let Petunia get close to Ed, and you ended up a bloody mess.  That’s what happens when we allow our evil desires to come close to opportunities.  Our evil desires will get the best of us, and our life will end up a bloody mess.  And if we don’t stop it, our evil desires will cost us our job, our reputation, everything we’ve worked so hard for.

So take a look at your life and identify the Ed’s.  Then make it a point, do whatever you have to do, to keep Ed far away from Petunia.

(As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)

dougapple@wave94.com

www.wave94.com

 

Cardinal Nation

I guess I’m a word person. 

I fall in love with certain words and phrases.

Here’s one that is now way overused, but the first time I heard it, I loved it.

It’s when you tack something onto the word “nation.”

For example, we St. Louis baseball fans make up “Cardinal Nation.”

Oh, I know now there is a “nation” for everything.

There’s “Trek Nation” for Star Trek fans.

“Clay Nation” for Clay Aiken fans.

There’s even “Chevy Nation” for fans of Chevrolet.

And then there’s “Carrie Nation”…no wait, that’s a real person.

And what would we have if everyone in the country drove pink cars?  A Pink Carnation. : )

Anyway, I know it’s overdone, but I still think it’s cool.

And you know what?  For the life of me I can’t think of the first time I heard the word nation used that way.  I have taxed my brain, and I just can’t come up with it.

One thing I remember is that as a kid I was fascinated by all the American Indian tribes, and they always went by “such-and-so Nation.”

For example, there’s the Blackfoot Nation and the Cherokee Nation.  I said I was a fan of words, and I still like those Indian tribe names.  They have some of the coolest words:  Navajo, Choctaw, Comanche, Apache, Iroquois, Pawnee, Seneca, and here in Tallahassee our favorite is Seminole. 

I suppose there is a such-and-so nation for just about everything these days.  Now let me ask, why is that?

I think it’s because we all like to be identified with a group.  There is something in human nature that makes us want to be part of a group.

When I was in college, many kids identified themselves by their fraternity or sorority.  Then another group popped up.  They were sort of anti fraternity and sorority, and they called themselves the Romans.

A friend of mine was laughing the other day because he pulled out his old FFA jacket from high school.  That’s a group that some kids were proud to be identified with, the Future Farmers of America.

Some high schools limit what kids can wear so they don’t identify themselves by gang membership.

There is just something about us.  We want to be part of a group.  Our team.  Our “nation.”

I thought about all this while I was reading First Peter 2:9.  There we find a new name for God’s people:  “Holy Nation.”

Can you imagine a member of “Cardinal Nation” going to Wrigley Field in Chicago – and wearing blue?  No way!  When you walk into Wrigley Field you wear all red, and preferably a t-shirt listing all the Cardinal World Series winners.  The last thing you do is try to blend in.

And that’s the way we should be as members of the “Holy Nation.”  We should stand out from everyone else.  First Peter 2:11 says that we should be “aliens and strangers” in this world.  Verse 12 says we are to live amazingly good lives, so much so that even the unholy will see our good deeds and end up glorifying God.

Think of it this way.  If you were charged with being “holy,” would there be enough evidence to convict you?

Our holiness should stand out.  It should shine bright.

When my son was getting a cast put on his arm from a wrestling “incident” I ran into a member of “Gator Nation.”  He was getting a big cast on his leg, and he was insisting that it be “Gator Orange.”  He was in full Gator array, including t-shirt and ball cap.  He stood out.  In a city of “Garnet and Gold” he stood out.

So the question is, do we stand out? 

Philippians 2:15 says we should be “blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation” in which we “shine like stars in the universe…”

We don’t need brightly colored t-shirts.  Our purity should shine for us.  Our goodness should call out to everyone, “Here we are, children of God, and proud members of the “Holy Nation.”

(As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)

dougapple@wave94.com

www.wave94.com

 

Umpire Cheating Scandal

It’s a thankless job, really.

Being an umpire.  Or a referee. 

On your very best day you are completely ignored.  And it goes downhill from there.

To be honest, I don’t know why you do it.  Why you put up with it.  I have never been an umpire or referee.  But I have watched you.  You are trying to be fair.  You are trying to call ‘em as you see ‘em.  The action is happening so fast.  It’s impossible to see everything. 

Impossible.

You are trying to do an impossible job.  Perfection is the minimum.  Anything less and you are going to throw someone into a rage, a literal, blood-curdling, “I’m-scared-for-society” kind of a rage.

Imagine this kind of pressure in a different work setting.  Take the middle-aged mother I was watching in the stands at a local girls sporting event.  She was literally screaming at the officials.  Calling them names.  Accusing them of cheating against her team.  She was telling her daughter that her true opponents were the officials.

Now imagine going to the office where she works.  Imagine sitting beside her desk, then screaming, screaming at her when she made any single move you didn’t like.  She makes a type-o on the computer…. “Go home, you moron!”  Stomp your feet.  Shake your fist. 

Of course no one would put up with that kind of abuse.  You would be kicked out of the building.  If you kept it up you would be arrested.  There would be a restraining order.  If you insisted on screaming at the office worker, you would end up being psychiatrically evaluated.

But instead of an office worker trying to do her job, we are talking about an official trying to do his job – and suddenly everything changes.  Suddenly, for some reason, it is acceptable to lose all sense of decorum, all sense of propriety and decency. 

And I am not talking about drunken maniacs with painted chests.  I am talking about middle class, middle aged mothers with little children looking up to them.

Stop and think.   These officials are just doing their job.  Do you remember when the last big umpire cheating scandal rocked the nation?  It never happened!  There is no cheating conspiracy among officials against your team!

I thought of all this as I read Matthew chapter nine this morning, where Jesus said, “Go and learn what this means…..I desire mercy….”  We don’t show mercy because someone deserves it.  We show mercy because we are merciful. 

When someone cuts you off in traffic, show mercy.  When someone talks about you behind your back, show mercy. 

And when someone does something so completely insignificant as calling a penalty on your team during a game….please, for the sake of your own dignity….show mercy.

(As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)

dougapple@wave94.com

www.wave94.com

 

Dating Advice

Yes, I do think it is best if a couple does not get physical before marriage.

Yes, I realize that sounds terribly old fashioned.

Yes, I know the physical aspect of a marriage is important.

But I do not think it is foundational, therefore I do not think it needs to be tried out beforehand, like so much tire kicking at a used car lot.

Now before I continue, let me say this.  If half of all marriages end in divorce, then the system is terribly broken.  We have got something bad wrong, and the result is millions of broken hearts and broken homes.

Here is my opinion.  I think the divorce rate could be cut way down if people made wiser decisions before marriage.

Remember the “I Have a Dream” speech by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.?  He said he dreamed of the day when his children would not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

This is the foundation for judging people – the content of their character.  If you want to make a wise choice in a marriage partner, you must take a good, long look at the content of their character.

I think Hollywood and pop music often get it wrong when it comes to romance, but here is one way they get it right.  It’s all about love.

Now by love I don’t mean love at first sight, or a crush or an infatuation.  I don’t mean, “They just look so gooooood, I think I’m in looooooove.”

And I don’t even mean “do they love you?”  When I say love, I mean is this person a loving person?  Do they show love to their parents and their siblings?  Do they show love to their neighbors and coworkers? 

Listen, if they aren’t showing love to the people already in their life, what makes you think they are going to show love to you after the thrill wears off?

Now listen to this.  Even if someone shares your faith, but they don’t show love to the people already in their life – that is an important piece of the puzzle they are missing.  They may wear a godly label, but if they aren’t showing love to the people around them, you better take a good, long look at that.

You’ve heard the phrase “Love is blind.”  That’s true when you are talking about infatuation.  In your eyes, the other can do no wrong.  This is why it is so important to keep your distance before marriage.  You need the space in order to accurately judge the content of their character.

So you need to examine them in various situations and ask yourself, “Is this a loving person?”

Now here’s another important question to ask.  “Is this a person of commitment?”

This is so vitally important.  When you marry someone, you want that to be a lifelong commitment.  So the question is, how do they handle the smaller commitments in their life?

If they can’t keep little commitments like calling you when they say they will, how well will they fulfill their marriage commitment?

I mention love and commitment, because these are cornerstones to a long and happy marriage.  You need to measure these very carefully in your future spouse. 

And you need to look at it this way.  Their level of love and commitment to the people already in their life is a good indicator of their future level of love and commitment to you.

Here is why love and commitment are cornerstones to marriage.  If two people truly love one another and are committed to one another, nothing can stop them.

No matter what comes their way, their marriage will thrive. 

And let’s say some surprises do pop up.  Let’s say there is no getting physical before marriage.  Then let’s say things don’t go so smooth in that area after the wedding. 

Listen, that is minor.  That is peanuts.  If two people love one another and are committed to one another, they will overcome all obstacles.  In fact, as they handle the obstacles together they become more and more bonded.  Their love just grows as they make the journey together.

Back to Hollywood and pop music.  Even for them the romantic ideal is two lovers totally committed to one another forever.  They just foul it all up by getting physical before it’s time.

“But Doug, I think it’s important that people find out whether they are physically compatible.”

That’s silly.  Everyone is “physically” compatible. 

It’s time we put the emphasis where it belongs.  And that means long before marriage, before anything physical clouds the picture, we need to take a good, long look at the content of their character.

(As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)

dougapple@wave94.com

www.wave94.com

 

 

My Brother Came and Got Me

“So you were a thug, a criminal, a gang-banger type with the scars and bullet to the skull to prove it?”

“Yes.”

“A bullet to the skull?”

“Yes. See? Here’s the scar.”

“So even being shot in the head didn’t make you come to your senses?”

“No, it was something to be proud of, a battle scar.”

“So what did help you come to your senses?”

“Well my brother came and got me and…”

Stop right there. That’s part of a conversation I had with a young minister in Tallahassee. God reached out and pulled him out of an obviously very rough life. But who did God use?

Listen to his words again….

“My brother came and got me…”

At a time when others would have said, “Throw his rear end in jail,” “Lock him up and throw away the key,” his brother said, “I’m going to go get him….”

Now this young man is serving God and the people of our community. But someone had to bring him to Christ.

Would it have been you? Would it have been me?

We need to change how we see these young people. When we see young ruffians, we need to see them through the eyes of Jesus.

Our natural response might be to call the cops, or fight back. But if you really want to fight back, fight back with the love of Jesus.

Don’t look at todays young and restless like strangers, look at them like family. They are blessed and loved creations of our Heavenly Father, just as we are. We need to reach out to them, go and get them, just as if they were our own little brother or sister in trouble.

Remember the parable of the lost sheep? Jesus left the saved and secure behind, and went and got the lost sheep.

Remember the parable of the wedding banquet? The servants were told to go out to the highways and byways and compel them to come.

There is no such thing as a stranger. There are only people waiting for us to come and get them and bring them in.

Be inspired today by the words of a former bad guy…

“My brother came and got me….”

(As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)

dougapple@wave94.com

http://www.wave94.com/

Takin' Care of Business in a Flash

Have you ever been to Graceland in Memphis?

I thought it was kind of cheesy, but interesting.

My wife thought it was a big waste of money.

One thing that caught my interest was all this stuff with the initials “TCB.”

What is TCB?

Well it stands for “Taking Care of Business.”  Elvis even had jewelry made with a TCB logo on it.  It included a lightning bolt, making the motto “Takin’ Care of Business in a Flash.”

Elvis Presley doesn’t rank anywhere on my list of great wise men, but I love the idea of “Takin’ Care of Business in a Flash.”

It makes me think of Proverbs 22:29.  The old King James says, “Seest thou a man diligent in his business?  He shall stand before kings...”

In the NIV it says, “Do you see a man skilled in his work?”

Notice the difference.  The King James says the man is “diligent” in his work.  The NIV says he is “skilled” in his work.

The original Hebrew word is “mahiyr” (maw-HERE), which means skilled and prompt.

So how should we do our work?  Good and fast.  Skilled and prompt. 

See, if we are good at what we do, but we drag our feet, we are not taking care of business. 

If we are fast, but don’t do a good job, we are still not taking care of business.

To take care of business, we must do a good job, and do it quick.

One time I had an employee who did good work.  But he was so slow!  He reminded me of Proverbs 10:26, “As vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, so is a sluggard to those who send him.”  One day I had to get on him, once again, about not finishing a job by the deadline.  I just flat out told him, “You are like vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes.”

See, he had the skills.  But so often it was like smoke in my eyes – it was irritating and it made me want to cry!

This Hebrew word mahiyr tells us how to take care of business. 

First of all it means skilled.  Whatever job you do, you must do it with skill. 

And the good news is, skills can be acquired.  You can take classes.  You can buy books, or even check them out from the library.  You can talk to someone who has the skills you want and learn from them. 

Listen, there is no excuse for not increasing our “skill set.”  God has given us this great brain, and we should never stop expanding it.

Second, the word mahiyr means prompt.  That means you get your work done by the deadline, or even before.

What if you don’t have a deadline?  Then make one up.  It’s easier to be motivated when you have a deadline. 

I remember one summer my goal was get into extremely excellent physical shape.  I even made a little poster for myself, “Six pack by the sixth of July.”  There was nothing special about that date.  It just rhymed, and gave me something to shoot for.

Remember, a goal without a deadline is no goal at all. 

So you have the skills, and you have the deadline, then you need the glue that brings them together:  diligence.  Once you have the skills to do good work, and the deadline to get it done by, you need diligence.  Diligence means you just keep working until you get it done. 

If Elvis lived today his motto might have been “Git-R-Done!”

Now how did I just go from Elvis to Proverbs to Larry the Cable Guy? 

Well, it just goes to show you the universal value of doing good work in a timely manner.  Everyone appreciates good work done by the deadline.

So as you do whatever it is you do, plug this little phrase into your brain, and remember, it’s even Biblical:  “Takin’ Care of Business, in a Flash!”

(As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)

dougapple@wave94.com

www.wave94.com

 

Your Courtship Story

Mike Crouch is the principal of Wakulla High School.

When I meet new people, one thing I always enjoy hearing is their courtship story.

See, anyone who is married has a courtship story, and they’re always interesting.

When I was a kid my parents had a Bible study at our house.  A lot of young people attended, and some of them ended up marrying each other.  I watched their courtships unfold, I attended their weddings, and I always thought, “I wonder how it’s going to happen for me.”

The courtship story always involves how they met for the first time and what they thought of each other.  The courtship really kicks off with the first date and ends with the wedding date.  What happens between the two is the heart of your courtship story, a story you will be telling for the rest of your life.

Imagine the kind of story you want to tell your kids someday, then conduct your courtship accordingly.

This week I asked Mike Crouch his courtship story, and it’s a good one.  My favorite part is when he said that after they started going out, he didn’t kiss her for three months.  Then when he finally did it was a beautiful romantic moment on the beach.

The thing I like about that is there was no rush to touch.  So many people get caught up in the rush to touch, but when you do, it clouds your judgment.  You can’t think straight and conduct a proper courtship if you rush to touch.

If it’s a proper courtship, you need not rush.  You’ll be spending the rest of your life together.  And why would you settle for anything less than a proper courtship?

Some people say you shouldn’t hold hands or kiss until you’re married.  That’s not a bad idea.  It keeps you focused on what’s important as you decide if this is someone you want to marry.

Now I can hear someone saying, “Yeh, but I don’t want to marry a bad kisser.”  So what are you saying, that you want them to practice on a lot of other people before they get to you?  How dumb is that? 

I’ve met a lot of happily married people over the years, and no one ever says, “I really regret the fact that we didn’t kiss more when we were dating.”

Why not?  Because when you make a wise judgment before you marry, you have a lifetime of enjoyment thereafter. 

The important thing is to keep your head clear during courtship, and that’s hard to do when you’re in a rush to touch. 

I can hear some young ladies saying, “But if I don’t at least kiss then he’ll break up with me.”

Don’t be so sure.  If breaks up with you just because you want to wait, then good riddance.  But don’t misjudge a certain power that a young woman of moral integrity has.

Here is a phrase that I love, that I picked up from Elisabeth Elliot:  “a woman’s enhancing inaccessibility.” 

Think about that, “enhancing inaccessibility.” 

You see, there is an attraction to something you can’t have.  If you decide not to touch during courtship, it will likely make you even more attractive.

It’s important that you set boundaries ahead of time, and here is one good guideline.  What kind of courtship story do you want to tell your children?  Set that as the standard, then live it out in your own courtship. 

If there’s something you don’t want to tell your children someday, then don’t do it.  You want your courtship story to be rated G, good clean fun for the whole family.

Some people say, “Well, don’t you want to try things out before you get married?  If you don’t, how will you know if you are compatible?”

Well the most important compatibility is spiritual, are you on the same page spiritually.  Then there are other things like, are you headed in the same direction in life?  Do you share ideas about children and family and such basics as money management?  These make up the foundation of marriage. 

And you must avoid the rush to touch in order to think clearly about these more important things.

I’m offering this as a simple guideline, an easy way to decide what you will and won’t do.  Just think of it like this.  What kind of a story do you want to tell when it’s time to tell your children Your Courtship Story.

(As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)

dougapple@wave94.com

www.wave94.com

 

On this topic I recommend the book, “Passion and Purity” by Elisabeth Elliot.

 

I found that ““enhancing inaccessibility” quote within this excellent transcript:  http://www.backtothebible.org/gateway-to-joy/the-high-price-of-individualism-3.html

 

Hooked On Clothes

What has its hooks in you?

Here is one thing that might have its hooks in you.

Clothes.

Call it fashion, or style, or being trendy, or not being trendy.

But the question is, does clothing have its hooks in you?

Do you shop for clothes when you don’t need new clothes?  Why?

Could it be because it has its hooks in you?

Do you ever get a little restless feeling that you “need” new clothes?

Where does that restlessness come from?

Would you say you are “hooked” on clothes?

Think about what that means.  It’s a fishing term, meaning “pierced through and being reeled in.”  If you are hooked on something, it means it has pierced you through and is reeling you in.  You are no longer in control.

Here’s what I think.  Clothes are just the bait.  If clothes are the bait, then what is reeling you in?  Pride.

You are not hooked by the clothes, but by pride.

“Oh, Doug, that’s ridiculous.  Just because I like certain clothes doesn’t mean I’m hooked by pride.”

Let me ask you, would you be willing to wear something you considered humble?  It might be something you considered “poor” or out of style. 

Or do you have a certain standard to maintain?  Is that standard based on pride?

This is a tricky subject, because you can dress nice but not be caught by pride.  It’s a matter of the heart, and it’s something I think God will have to reveal to you.

This is something God has worked on in me over the years.  I was never big on designer clothes or whatever, but nonetheless, I discovered pride in my heart over how I dress.

For example, when I was about 20, I had an idea for some shirts, but I didn’t see anything like it in the stores.  I had a friend who could sew, and she made the shirts for me. 

Nothing expensive.  No designer labels.  But I had shirts no one else had that I really liked, tailored to fit.  Yes, there was pride.

Over the years a lot of clothes have gone through my closet.  Out with the old and in with the new.  I know what it’s like to see something in the store and think, “Ooo, I gotta have it.”

Somewhere along the line somebody talked me into checking out Goodwill stores.  It seemed kind of trashy, but I found some top-of-the-line items at dirt cheap prices.  I was surprised.

You’d think shopping at Goodwill would kill your pride, but pride is a tricky beast.  Now I had more nice clothes than ever.  It’s hard to be humble with such a nice wardrobe.

And you know what?  I didn’t think anything of it.  After all, what’s the problem?  I’m not wasting money and I’m not being a “fashionista,” I mean come on, I’m shopping at Goodwill for crying out loud.  Could I get any more humble?

I didn’t realize the hooks it had in me until one January when I felt like God gave me a New Year’s resolution.  It included buying no clothes. 

No big deal, right?  But in those first few weeks I finally realized how hooked I was.  In every store I saw something I wanted, and always on sale.  I saw things I wanted in ads and catalogues. 

It slowly dawned on me how deep those hooks went, hooks I hadn’t even noticed before.  I had been a slave to impulsive thinking when it came to clothes.  I constantly bought new clothes when I didn’t need them. 

So why did I buy them?  I think at the very core it was pride.  I probably never would have realized it had it not been for that New Year’s resolution.

Believe it or not, I haven’t bought any new clothes since, and I feel like a bunch of little hooks have fallen away from me; hooks that used to guide my behavior, but now have no influence over me.

Like I said, this is something I think God will have to reveal in your heart.  Maybe this message is for you, the first step toward a new level in your life.

And I think the process can start with your honest answer to this simple little question:

Are you hooked on clothes?

(As featured on Wave 94.1 FM)

dougapple@wave94.com

www.wave94.com

Don't Be Small

I remember sitting in her office like it was yesterday.

She owned a little quick-stop gas station, and was a favorite client of mine; and her office was a mess!  Not because she was messy, but because she was busy. 

And there on her wall, in the midst of all that mayhem, was a little saying that always made me laugh.  It said this:

“Stress:  The confusion created when your mind overrides your body’s desire to choke some jerk who desperately deserves it.”

It’s funny, and we’ve all been in those situations.

I remember one time doing business with a guy, and we had a deal.  I didn’t know it, but the man I was dealing with actually didn’t have the final authority.  When the man who did have the final authority heard about it, he called me up and chewed me out, even called me “underhanded,” like I should have known who all had what authority in that company. 

Well what would you do in that situation?

I did what I thought was the right thing to do.  I apologized profusely, said I sure didn’t do it on purpose, said there was certainly nothing underhanded as he accused, but that it would never happen again, and that I was sorry.

When I hung up the phone, a girl in the office who had overheard the conversation said, “That guy’s a jerk.  I’ll never go there again.” 

And that’s our natural response, isn’t it?  When we feel like someone’s been a jerk, our natural tendency is to choke them, if not physically, then at least economically. 

Funny how that sounds so correct.  But Jesus said, “Love your enemies.”  I say this, “Don’t be small.” 

I like biographies.  I like learning about life by reading about the lives of others.  Currently I am reading a biography of Bill Belichick.  He is the head coach of the 3-time Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots.  In that book is the story about a guy from ESPN who offended Belichick.  Then it said that the coach is the kind to “never forget” such an offence, and that he even held it against other people from ESPN.  “If it’s true,” I thought, “How small.”

When someone offends you, don’t be small.  Forgive them!  Sure, you could be a jerk, but you’re bigger than that.  You have heard of things getting “stuck in your craw.”  I don’t think this should happen.  Forgiveness and love are like a clean sweep of your craw.  Nothing gets stuck there because love and forgiveness keep it clean. 

I remember one time I wanted to network with some other radio people, to get their input.  I sent out a few e-mails, and I got one back from a guy who raked me over the coals for e-mailing him.  He wanted to know where I had “harvested” his e-mail address.  He said he didn’t want to be bothered by my “junk.”  Wow!  Go back to my definition of stress. 

See, our human nature in such a case wants to lash back.  For me, it takes a minute to process things.  I remind myself, “Forgive immediately.  Don’t let anything get stuck in your craw.”

And remember this, you may dwell on things, but these crabby people?  They have forget all about it!  They quickly find new people to be crabby to.  So why poison yourself with stress and unforgiveness, and even thoughts of how to make them pay?

Forgettaboutit!

Let these three little words remind you:  Don’t be small.

(As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)

dougapple@wave94.com

www.wave94.com

Claim Everything as Victory

It was church night at the gymnasium.

We had a hot game of basketball going, and I was bringing the ball down the court.

The big guy in the middle decided to come out and challenge me.  I thought I could drive past him, but he threw his big body right in my path. 

I tried to make a quick cut, and that’s when my ankle gave way.  I crumpled to the floor. 

As embarrassing as it was, I had to be helped off the court.

I sat on the sidelines, hoping the pain would go away and I could get back in the game.

It didn’t.

They helped me get my shoe and sock off and, oh, this was not good. 

As church people surrounded me, staring at my foot, one woman spoke up.  With all ears tuned in, she announced, “Well, it just proves to me once again that almost everyone has unattractive feet.”

What?  I am in agony, and this woman is dissing my feet in front of everyone.  What’s up with that?

And besides, what’s wrong with my feet?  Not too big, not too small.  Not too hairy.  Not too wide or too narrow.  My toes are straight, my nails are cut.  No unsightly bumps or calluses.  Not even a minor case of athlete’s foot.

What is this woman’s problem with my feet?

Now I am at a fork in the road.  One path is to become acutely aware of my feet.  I can keep them covered up from now on.  No more sand between my toes.  No fresh air, because these babies will never see the light of day.  Why not?  Because this woman dissed my feet in front of everyone.

In college, I minored in Public Relations.  Though I never worked in the industry, I still keep up with it in books and journals.  In one of those I read a fantastic quote.  I don’t remember who originally wrote it, and a Google search turned up nothing.  But here it is:

“In business, claim everything as victory.”

In other words, no matter what misfortune befalls your company, there is some way to get good publicity out of it.

O.K.  So now I have this woman dissing my feet.  How can I possibly claim this as victory?  How can I keep from sinking into despair?  How can I keep from lashing back or holding it against her?  “Let’s see your feet, honey.  In fact, let’s just take a good hard look at your whole existence.  How about we run you through the shredder, what do you say to that?”

That would be a natural reaction, but certainly not Christ-like.  So how should we react to such a slight? 

The first step is immediate forgiveness.  To live in forgiveness is like having a protective force field around you.  Negative comments can’t get through to you, because as soon they are aimed your way, they are dissolved in the force field of forgiveness.

How do you turn on that force field?  By deciding now, “No matter what is said about me, I will forgive.  Jesus has forgiven me a much greater debt, and to honor that, I will forgive others - immediately.”

But those words will want to linger in your head.  Then what?

Then I go back to Philippians 4:8, which tells us to think about good things.  We are to dwell on the good, not on the negative.

Like I said, the negative will want to linger in your head.  So here is what I do.  I try to flip it upside down and look for the positive, which I know is something God wants me to do, based on Philippians 4:8.*

So what positive thing could I possibly find in that woman’s comment?  Well here is how I claimed that one for victory.  I don’t think she would have made that crack about my feet, if she thought I was ugly.  She would have expected unattractive feet.  So the positive flip side to her negative comment is that she must not think I’m ugly!

Of course that could be just shallow flim-flam; positive, but good for nothing.  So we have to go back to God’s word, which says I am His “workmanship,”** fearfully and wonderfully made.*** 

So it’s not just that we think positive thoughts.  We think positive thoughts based on God’s truth.  There lies the true power in positive thinking.

So what kind of negativity is beating you up today?  Flip that around and replace it with God’s positive truth. 

With the Lord in your corner, and His truth in your head, then no matter what anyone says, you will be able to claim everything as victory.

 (As heard on Wave 94.1 FM)

dougapple@wave94.com

www.wave94.com

* Philippians 4:8 – “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

** Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

*** Psalm 139:14 – “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”